Get Out of the Driver's Seat!

It looks like my last post was in April. Oh my! A lot has happened since then. I had a great 29th birthday and got to spend it with so many of the people I love. Jason surprised me and invited several people to dinner, and over 20 of my close friends and family showed up. I'm blessed.

May was an exciting month for us. The moment we had anxiously been awaiting finally happened, and we found out we were going to have a baby. I got my first POSITIVE pregnancy test on May 23rd -my daddy's birthday. We were so excited. I had actually planned to go to Logan that evening, but I cancelled that trip b/c I couldn't leave town without telling Jason the news after he got off work. I couldn't tell him over the phone. I had set up a scavenger hunt all around our house with rhyming clues -one leading to the next, etc. The last clue told him the big news. It was a perfect moment for the both of us. We went to Logan the next day for my oldest niece's graduation, so we told my family. We went on a motorcycle benefit ride the very next day with Jason's parents, so we told them then. We could not help but to share the news b/c we were too excited.

I had gotten a blood test which was positive, but the beta number was really low (Hcg 14). We weren't telling others yet because were were being cautious. I took another home pregnancy test a few days later, and it was NEGATIVE. We were devastated. I called the doctor, and they told me to go get another blood test (Hcg 7). We just knew it was a chemical pregnancy. I had a period (sorry if this is TMI for you), so we just knew it was the end. The doctor told me to get another blood test in a week to make sure my numbers go back down to normal. I repeated the blood test as ordered, and I didn't even call that day for the results -I just knew it would be negative. The nurse called me the next day and told me congratulations -it was POSITIVE (Hcg 100). ????? I was so confused. My first thought was that it was ectopic (in my fallopian tube) and that it wasn't viable. I went and repeated blood test (Hcg 168) and had an ultrasound. We didn't see anything on the ultrasound, but the doc said it was still too early. I repeated blood test again, and it went up to Hcg 511. My ob/gyn told me congrats and that it looked good, so they went ahead and scheduled my 10-week appointment. The doc told me that most likely what had happened was that I had started with two embryos (twins) and had lost one, and the second one had implanted later than the first. We knew it was still early, but we were very hopeful and decided to tell everyone about the pregnancy. It was a happy, perfect moment.

Knowing that we were going out of the country for a week for vacation, I went ahead and called my fertility specialist in Lexington and asked if I could come in for an earlier ultrasound just to make sure everything looked okay. We went in for the ultrasound on June 17th at 7.5 weeks. That's where we got the devastating news that the pregnancy is not viable... it was ectopic. My Hcg levels were still rising but not normally (Hcg 1736). The doctor had to give me a shot of methotrexate (which is a small dose of chemotherapy) to force a miscarriage. This was the complete opposite of a perfect moment for us. It's something I don't even know how to begin to describe. Horror, maybe. The doc told me that I should not leave the country (which was going to be 2 days later), but I was very stubborn and went on vacation anyway. I did follow doc's orders to get blood tests on days 4 & 7 after the shot. The hospital in Jamaica is very sad and an experience, to say the least. My Hcg levels needed to drop at least 15% from day 4 (Hcg 1629) to 7 (Hcg 1466), which they did not. I had to go back to Lexington the day after we got back and had another injection of methotrexate. Since then, it has been a waiting game and repeated blood work every week. I can’t imagine that going through a miscarriage is ever easy, for anyone, ever. For me… knowing that I was going to have a miscarriage… and waiting for it to happen has been the worst part. No matter how much you try, you cannot prepare yourself for it. Well, it finally happened at 10.5 weeks. I’m still repeating the blood test every week, waiting for my Hcg levels to drop back down to <5. I'm almost there.

This has been a physical and emotional rollercoaster, and I am ready to move on. I’m realizing more and more each day how strong I can be, even when I feel weak. I am choosing to blog about this whole experience, once again, because I will read this back someday and be reminded of exactly how far I have come.

We have to wait at least 3 months from the date of my last shot before we can TRY AGAIN, so we are taking a break from the whole baby making business, lol. After everything we have been through, this break will be good for us. I am not a mother yet, but I am still a wife. I am focusing on that. Jason and I have been spending a lot of time together, enjoying one another. I feel closer to him than ever, and I am blessed to have him by my side. We are having a fun summer so far.

Vacation was everything I needed it to be. I got to spend an entire week with three of the people I love the most –my husband, dad, and sister. I wasn’t allowed to drink alcohol (which totally sucks when you’re staying at al ALL-inclusive resort), but I still had a really great time. We climbed the Dunn’s River Falls and took a catamaran cruise to Margaritaville (I did sneak a few sips). I was able to completely relax, enjoyed the sunshine and gorgeous scenery, great food and entertainment, and even better company. We got to go snorkeling, and we sprinkled some of Mom's ashes in the ocean and sand. We all had such an amazing time in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Yeah, mon!

Jason and I have also joined a new gym and are doing CrossFit training. It is hardcore, but hell, so are we! ;) I get more out of a 30 minute workout there than I was getting in an hour and a half on my own. It’s nice to have trainers pushing you, others supporting you, and motivation driving you. I love that it’s competitive, but you compete with yourself. How fun!

Other Summer events:

* we bought a Harley!

* 2nd annual block party was a complete success! This year's theme: Luau!

* Spent the 4th of July with the Zimmermans & then Beev's party

* My best friend Kayla's beautiful daughter, Delaney, turned 3!

I’m in a better mindset these past few weeks, and I’m trying to regain my positive outlook on life. I’ve prayed a lot even though, quite frankly, I’ve been angry with God. I couldn’t grasp why he would give us something we've been wanting so badly and then immediately take it away. Whatever His reasoning is, I did not want to accept it. I had a tough time dealing with the heartbreak. For a period, anything anyone said to me was always the “wrong” thing to say. Haha, quite ridiculous, I know. Crazy pregnancy hormones played a huge part in all of this, I’m sure. LOL! I just needed to grieve, and I did. I’m moving on now. Things happen in life that we may not understand, but we have to move past it and accept the reality. Yes, it will happen when it is supposed to. Yes, it is in God’s hands. Yes, everything happens for a reason. I just need to get out of the driver’s seat.

BEEP BEEP!

“My anchor holds in spite of the storm.”

"Baby" Steps

Where to even start? Hmmmm....

Well, our journey continues with the hope of parenthood. A lot has happened over the past few weeks, but I will do my best to remain positive. Here's the low-down:

I drove to my doctor's appointment in Louisville with my mother-in-law last Thursday (I'm making Jason save his time off for the more important appointments since I figured this was only a consult). Let's rewind to my last office visit: I had asked my ob/gyn to refer me to a fertility specialist, so she referred me to a specific guy in Louisville whom ob/gyn talked highly of. When I got to the appointment, it turns out that the doctor was not a fertility specialist but a surgeon. He was not able to help me. He was nice enough to check with one of the REs (reproductive endocrinologist) in the clinic to see if he could fit me in since I had driven 3 hours there. The doctor was able to see me, but he was obviously caught off guard since I was not on his schedule for the day. He did not have time to review my chart, medical records, test results, etc. before talking to me; therefore, the quick consult that we had was a bit overwhelming. I gave the specialist a quick version of my story & the treatments I've already completed, and when I explained the meds/cycle days/method of treatment.... he informed me that one of the medications my ob/gyn had me taking was too high of a dosage.... and another one I've been on for the past 7 months has actually prevented me from becoming pregnant. UGH. I was starting progesterone the day after a positive ovulation predictor test for the previous 7 cycles, under ob/gyn's order, which was too soon. The specialist told me that I should have been taking the clomid without the progesterone and with a lower dosage of estrogen. I had a lot of questions before going there, and I left with most of them unanswered. This doctor was very nice, and I believed what he was saying. However, I did not feel at ease after a 10-15 min. conversation with a doctor who had not seen any of my medical history. I tried calling a fertility specialist at Cabell Huntington Hospital, but the soonest they could fit me in would have been July 16th. I really did not want to wait that long. I had already waited over a month to get in to see the doctor at Louisville. I got a recommendation from a coworker on Monday to see a specialist in Lexington, so I called. Talk about good timing -they had just gotten a cancellation, so they were able to fit me in to see Dr. Akin the very next day.

Now to talk about weird timing, my ob/gyn actually left the hospital about a week and a half ago. I won't go into details about that, but I have been in the process of finding a new doctor and chose to stay with one at KDMC. I have an appointment to see Dr. Dotson in two weeks, and it turns out that Dr. Akin knows him and said that I made a really good choice. Again, I went off of a recommendation from that same coworker who has also dealt with infertility. My appointment yesterday with Dr. Akin went very well. He reviewed my medical records in detail. He told me that according to my test results, I had never tested low for progesterone and didn't need to be taking it. He said that starting progesterone less than 3 days past a positive ovulation test will act as birth control. I won't explain how all of that works, but let's just say that I've been a little angry about the situation. I won't go into detail about how much money the progesterone alone has cost me (not counting all other expenses up until now) because none of that matters now, but I've been quite frustrated since finding all of this out. What hurts the most is knowing that the past several months of unnecessary stress and devastation could have been different. Oh, the what IFs...... I won't beat myself up too much over this because we all trust and listen to our doctors. I just wish I would have moved on to a fertility specialist a lot sooner than now. I know, I know... everything happens for a reason. There's a time and a place for everything. You can't change the past. Have no regrets. Yada yada.

My big sister rode to Lexington with me yesterday to see Dr. Akin. He gave me a few options and explained all of them to me very well. He has a 75% success rate with IVF, but there are cheaper and less invasive options for us right now without jumping straight into that option. He suggested that I try the clomid for a couple of months without the estradiol or progesterone. I won't need to come in for the ultrasound for monitoring, and I don't need to continue doing the ovulation predictor tests. I can, however, come in for a blood test to see if ovulation actually occurred. If not, he will know to up the dosage of clomid the next cycle. If that doesn't work, we can add the HCG trigger shot and IUI (intrauterine insemination). He said he is willing to do that at any time if we decide to go ahead and go that route. My only concern with continuing on the clomid is the research showing a correlation between extended use of climid and increased risk of ovarian cancer. That's a little scary to me. I've already been on it for 7 months and would be starting my 8th. Prayer is all I can depend on. At least now we have options!

Less medications, less steps, less counting -that would be a good start for reducing my stress level.

A week in Jamaica!!!!! -now that will also add some joy. June 19th needs to hurry up and get here, so we can take our much needed vacation!

Funny story: I got a flat tire while driving home after the appointment. I pulled off of the road, and Mary Ann was going to change the tire in a dress. Hah! I had my camera ready! We opened the trunk to find that we had no spare tire, car jack, or lug wrench. I called Jason, and he said to try to make it to the nearest gas station and put air in it. Well, we drove about 2 miles (with 2 more miles to go) and the tire blew out! A guy stopped and offered to give us his spare tire if it fit the car, but neither of us had a wrench, lol. We called AllState roadside service (Mary Ann has it), and they were willing to tow us to a tire shop to buy a new tire. However, it was after 6:30 and the closest tire shops were closed. We figured it would be just as fast if Jason just packed up the stuff and drove to meet us. We were an hour from Ashland. :) It was nice getting to spend that extra time with my sister, though. We talked, laughed, and had a great time. I needed that. Time to invest in some AAA. LOL!

On a more serious note: I realize that I have been a lot for some people to handle lately, and maybe I have been a little too emotional or borderline crazy. However, I can only be ME. That's all I know how to do. I can't control heartbreak. I can't control when I am upset. I have given a lot in life, and right now I am allowing myself to take. I understand that I am not the only one going through a tough time and that everyone has their own personal struggles. I have always been willing to listen and feel that I have tried my best to be there for everyone else when he or she needed me. I just need to feel that it is okay for me to think about me right now without feeling guilty about it. ... without worrying that I may be pushing people away or getting on their nerves. It's times like these when I need my friends and family the most. I have focused all of my time and energy on my health and infertility lately instead of focusing on my friendships and my marriage. I'm lucky that friends and family, and especially my loving husband, have stuck by me throughout this whole ordeal. All I ask from anyone is that you try to understand that I've been going through a rough patch and do not judge me for it. Please don't take it personally if you have seen me lately, and I didn't immediately ask you how your day went or how you are doing. It's not that I don't care; I've just had a lot on my mind. We can all be self-absorbed at times, and I am no exception. I am blessed to have wonderful people in my life, and I hope you know how much I care for you all. I don't want sympathy, and I don't want people to walk on egg shells around me. All I ask for is a little patience and understanding. My husband deserves an award; he has mastered both of these! :)

I may be going through a difficult time, but I am still ME. I may be taking baby steps, but at least I'm moving forward.....

"Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs" -Henry Ford

I Will "Stand Back Up"

This song has helped me through a lot over the past 8 years.  I'm not dressed up.  It's not a perfect vocal.  There are a few misplucked strings.  But, I'm posting this video anyway.  "Stand Back Up" by Sugarland has brought me out of some dark holes, and it's my current anthem, LOL. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYZRdozQkho

Timing is Everything

God has a reason for allowing things to happen. We may never understand His wisdom, but we simply have to trust His will. –Psalm 37:5

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Timing is everything.” I am starting to understand this in a whole new light these days. Thinking back on all the dreams and ambitions I’ve had throughout my life, I have been able to accomplish way more than I ever set forth for myself. I always dreamt that I’d go many places, which I have. I always dreamt that I’d get a college degree, which I got two. I always dreamt that I’d have a career that I loved, which I do. I’d always dreamt that I’d make my family proud, which I feel I have. I always dreamt that I’d take good care of myself, both physically and emotionally, which for the most part I have. I’d always dreamt that I’d find a man to love and who loved me back just as much, which I have found much more than that. I always dreamt that I’d have a gorgeous wedding with all the people I love in attendance, which I couldn’t have asked for anything more on our wedding day. I’d always dreamt of having children of my own to love and cherish like my mother loved me…. Well, this is the part I am struggling with…. THIS…. Well… this has been difficult for me.

After “inactively” trying for a little while to get pregnant, and it didn’t happen, we began to “actively” try… still no pregnancy. I then began to realize that I might have some sort of problem. After a few doctor’s visits and tests, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which is way more common than I realized at the time. Because of my PCOS and its severity, my body does not ovulate or produce eggs, making it difficult (and some months impossible) to get pregnant on my own. I also had an HSG ultrasound that showed that my fallopian tubes were partially blocked, but the doctor was able to clear them. I didn’t understand because I have always taken good care of my body. This was all devastating news for me because I always believed that once I decided I was ready to have a baby, I would just make it happen. Now, I’m realizing that it’s not that simple. Now, it’s ALL about “timing”.

We decided to go the route of trying the fertility drugs, so the doc put me on Clomid 50mg to start out. This was supposed to help me ovulate. The “timing” of this medication is crutial, so I took it cd (cycle days) 5-9, estradiol cd10-14, & progesterone cd15-BFN (big fat negative) pregnancy test. I had an ultrasound cd 12 which showed that the clomid did not work. Sound confusing? Oh, it is! Let’s add in the ovulation tests, basal body temps, & other fun things I get to do on a daily basis. The process is rather consuming to say the least.

The doc then upped the dosage of Clomid to 100mg the next month, and I repeated the same cycle days & 3 medications precisely. The ultrasound showed 2-3 mature follicles, and I got a positive ovulation test; however, we got another devastating BFN. I did the same thing… 100mg of Clomid, estradiol, progesterone, and scheduled ultrasounds (to monitor my follicles for overstimulation and to prevent myself from becoming the next OctoMOM, lol…. The meds increase my chance of having multiples) for another two months. Repeated BFNs. On my fifth and sixth rounds of Clomid, we added an HCG trigger injection (Novarel 10,000 units) to trigger ovulation after scheduled ultrasounds. Also, I changed Clomid days to cd3-7 on that last round. I thought for sure that this would work, but alas another BFN last month. I can honestly say that I’ve never experienced more heartbreak in my entire life than what I’ve experienced over the past several months. I cannot put into words how I feel every time I see a negative pregnancy test. I know there are so many women out there who experience this same pain and disappointment, and my heart goes out to them. I am a strong person, but this has been breaking me down. I’m sure that all the hormones that have been pumped into my body for the past, well, however long, do not help with the emotional stability.... or should I say instability.?. Basically, I am a hot mess! Poor Jason has had to put up with me and all this mess!

We went back to the doc last week, and my doc has referred me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) in Louisville, KY for possible IVF (in vetro fertilzation). I have an appointment on April 18th, which is only a few weeks away. While we “wait,” however, the doc went ahead and put me on one last round of Clomid 100mg cd 3-7, paired with Metformin 500mg 3x/day. I’ll continue with the estradiol and progesterone as well as the HCG trigger shot. Maybe the Metformin will be the magic potion, but we shall see. I really hate to get my hopes up anymore because I hate being let down. However, I can’t always be negative either… that’ll do me no good.

My insurance does not cover the cost of infertility, so this has already been quite an expense for us. I know it’ll all be worth it in the end, but it’s hard to see that light right now. I do not handle disappointment very well (who does?), and I have noticed myself becoming more and more self-absorbed and selfish these days. Hormones, hello!?! Jason and I wanted to keep it a secret when we were first trying to get pregnant because we wanted to surprise our friends and family with the good news. It hasn’t been that easy for us. It’s becoming more and more of a struggle not to talk about everything we’ve been going through, and I’ve shut people out. I don’t want to do that anymore. I am hoping that by writing again that I will find some peace of mind. I used my blog in the past as a form of therapy, did a lot of soul searching, and learned a lot about myself in the process. I want to start blogging about my experience with infertility, hopefully I’ll get to read this back one day soon and realize how lucky I am. I’ll use this as a constant reminder of how strong I still am and all the trials I’ve overcome. This is just a test, and I will pass it.

I’ve learned a lot about patience thus far. Mostly that I don’t have any, lol. Seriously, though, I know that this is God’s plan and not mine. I have to stand still and let Him move, and all will fall into place for us. That doesn’t mean it won’t be hard or that I won’t have to feel pain along the way, but I know that God will bring us through it. I’ve been praying a lot, and I hope that whoever reads this will pray for us as well. To be honest, I have neglected my blog over the past year because I wasn't ready to "talk about" what was really on my mind. I have avoided a lot of people and a lot of conversations. I think I'm ready now. And hopefully our story will touch and inspire someone else in the long run. If this helps other people, then it'll all be worth it. I'll try to keep you updated.

Hopefully I will read this again one day soon and let out a big sigh of relief:

“Your journey has molded you for the greater good. It was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time”.

Bloggity blog update

Another neglectful eight to nine months of silence… tisk tisk. The past several months have been busy... making more wonderful memories, but it has also been a tough time for me. I will explain this in a later post. For now, I’ll give the low down of the recent events happening around here.

Of course, we did some tailgating and attended Marshall games in the fall. GO HERD!

We celebrated our first wedding anniversary at Verde Farm Cottage, where we got married. I had set up a photo shoot & couples massages (the ladies from a salon came to the cottage). While we got our massages, my best friend, Kayla, prepared a fancy dinner for us! We had a nice candlelit dinner and some sparkling wine. We walked around the farm & fed the animals, and the lovely lady at the farm let us use her pool for a night time swim. It was a relaxing and memorable day for us.

We dressed up as Dexter and his victim for Halloween. We became obsessed with that show, so we were pretty excited about the costumes.

Our families came to our house for Thanksgiving. It was nice to have everyone together again, and we all had a really great time. I hope to do this again.

Christmas this year was busy but exciting. We went to our friends Kory and Megan’s costume party where everyone dressed up as Christmas characters. That was fun. We went to the Rooper Christmas dinner in Hurricane on Christmas Eve, Logan for Christmas morning, then Jason’s parents’ house Christmas evening. Like I said… busy but fun!

We spent New Year’s Eve at a big all-inclusive party in Charleston at the Embassy Suites. This was phenomenal! We will absolutely be doing this again. It was fun to get dressed up and dance the night away!

We went skiing in Canaan Valley again in January with the Rileys and Zimmermans. We got a nice cabin and got to stay two nights. It was actually a pretty warm weekend, so the snow was a little slushy and difficult to ski on. However, we still had a great time. Can’t wait to go again!

We celebrated Valentine’s Day two days early again because that was the day we got engaged. To me, that day means more. Plus, it’s a bonus to be able to avoid most of the busy crowds at all the nice restaurants, lol. Jason got me some flowers and a beautiful open-hearts necklace. I got him a new fossil watch. He took me to the Blackhawk Grill for dinner. Yum!

Thanks to one of my First Steps families, I got backstage passes for a meet and greet with Miranda Lambert! I was way excited about this!

We had a baby shower for one of my best friends, Crissa, in February. She gave birth to her precious baby boy, Elijah Ray Keefer on March 15, 2013. He is quite the little blessing, I can tell. One of my other best friends, Lacie, also announced in February that she is pregnant as well. Baby Casto is due on his/her daddy’s birthday, September 13, 2013. I hope it’s a girl!

We helped Kayla and Wesley move into their new house last weekend. The house is extremely nice, and I am excited for them. Of course, most of my “helping” consisted of entertaining and cuddling their gorgeous baby girl, Delaney. She brightens my day, no matter what. I love that child so much. We have booked our vacation for 7 nights at an all-inclusive resort in Montego Bay, Jamaica with the Boggs family June 19th – 25th. We just booked our flights for that this week, so we’re all set. Now I just need some new swim suits and a couple new dresses, haha! And for time to fly by. ☺

Speaking of time flying by…. my sister turned 30 this month, and I will be 29 next month. This is insane. Yikes! I'll be sure to enjoy my 20s while I still can. :)

One Year Down

First of all, I will apologize to blogger for the disappearance and completely neglecting my blog for the past eight months or so. Let's see.... where do I even start? So much has happened this year. I seriously need to start posting more often again so that I am not forced to sum up an excessive amount of time and events into a single post. Sorry, friends! I guess I will just throw in some of the highlights from this year thus far. I can now check "Go ziplining" off of my bucket list.

Jason and I went with my dad to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee back in March for five days, so we all three got to do a zipline tour. Of course, it was a blast! We also went to Dollywood (my first time there)for a day and did a bit of site-seeing around the Gatlinburg area. I love the Great Smoky Mountains. My dad ended up investing in a time share, so we look forward to many vacations in the future! The one he bought is in Orlando, but he can use points to trade so we can go other places as well.

Jason and I also got another chance to go skiing this year with our friends Kory & Megan. Megan's family owns a cabin close to Snow Shoe, so we got to ski there this time. I ended up with a pretty nice bruise on my shin, but we survived with no broken bones and a whole lot of fun. I also had my TEN YEAR HIGH SCHOOL CLASS REUNION this summer. Holy Moly.... where does the time go?!?! I can hardly believe I have been out of high school for ten whole years. Time has really flown. I think back to ME then and who I wanted to be, and I have to say that I am beyond pleased with where I am today and the paths I have traveled. I have done a hell of a lot in the past ten years, and I look forward to what is yet to come. Not many people showed up at the reunion which was disappointing, but I did get to see several of my very best friends from high school and reminisce about the old days.

We have done a lot to our house since I have lived here, and I think we are both pleased with the progress. We did some landscaping at the beginning of the summer and planted some pretty flowers in our yard. We recycled the wine barrels I brought back from California to use at our wedding. They are now planters. We finished the other half of our downstairs (which was basically storage until now) except for the laundry room. We painted it a mustard seed yellow and decorated with a vintage car/garage theme. It actually turned out to look very cool. We still have to get a few small pieces of furniture and a street rug that I'm wanting, but other than that (and laundry room), it's finished. We are currently working on refinishing a bar to put downstairs as well. Jason is doing all the work on it himself. He started it before having surgery on his shoulder (he had a cyst removed), and the weather has been crappy... we've had booked up weekends, etc... so he hasn't been able to work on it much. We will eventually get that finished.

I gained a sister-in-law last month. Scott and Whitney got married on July 28th at the University of Charleston. The wedding was beautiful, and we had a lot of fun. At the end of the reception, there happened to be a pretty sweet fireworks show across the river at the capital. It was a surprise ending to a great day for them. I guess the rest of the year has been filled up with work and play. I got to go to a couple of concerts including Lady Antebellum and Darius Rucker as well as Jimmy Buffett.

I missed my family reunion this year because it was the same weekend as Scott and Whitney's wedding. However, I did run into a couple of my cousins at the Buffett tailgate, so I thought that was pretty awesome. We had a great time, and I look forward to going back next year if possible. People there are wild and totally hard core... that's for sure! Along with all my crazy, fun friends comes crazy, fun parties. Here are a few of the themed parties over the past several months: Robbie's Murder Mystery birthday party was in February. Everyone was given a character ahead of time, so they had to dress and play the part accordingly. Each character was unique and funny in some way. It was definitely a good time!

Brandy's St. Patrick's Day party was in March. This was the first one I've been able to make it to.

Audra's country western hoe-down birthday party was in April. This was probably the only time I will have ever seen Jason wearing cowboy boots and a hat! :) He makes one sexy cowboy, I must say!

My white trash birthday party was also in April. I'm tellin' ya.... our friends go ALL OUT for parties like these. Great fun was had by all! We had a spitting contest, belching contest, kiddy pool coolers, trash in the yard, Christmas lights on display, and a whole spread of spam, pork-n-beans, & easy cheese laid out on the ironing board! ;) Oh what fun!

Our neighborhood had a fiesta themed block party in June. It was nice to finally get to know a lot more of our neighbors. Our families came over for the event, and we all had a good time.

Speaking of family... Jason went to Indianapolis for a safety conference in June, so I invited the girls in my family over to my house for a sleepover. My niece, Kyra, was in town from NC, so she was able to come.

My sisters Jenn and Mary Ann were here along with Mary's girls Michele and Leann. My bestie Kayla came and brought her daughter Delaney for a bit as well. We ate junk food, played games, got in the hot tub, rented movies (which we ended up not watching), and finally all spent time together for the first time since childhood. What a blessing. We spent the 4th of July at Pat and Emily's house this year and were able to watch the Barboursville fireworks from their back yard. We went to Brandy's annual 4th of July party a few days before.

Other highlights: I shot a gun (HUGE deal for me and my uber fear of guns)!

I discovered that I now have a brick with my (maiden) name on it outside of the Marshall University football stadium. I got it for cheering four years in college. Yay, GO HERD! :)

And, NOW we are into August. Next week is our ONE YEAR wedding anniversary. I'm telling ya, this has been such an incredible year for me. I have grown to love my husband more and more as time goes on. We have so much fun together and truly understand each other. I can 100% be myself which I don't think I ever was before. Jason makes me feel safe and adored. He gets me when nobody else does. My overall positive attitude in life has improved since meeting him, and not a day goes by that I am not appreciative of all the love and attention he gives me. A year after marriage,

Jason still writes sweet notes on post-its and leaves them on the bathroom mirror for me to find when I wake up in the mornings. He still fills my kitchen vase with fresh flowers to make me smile. He opens my car door for me EVERY SINGLE TIME I get in. He laughs at my corny jokes when they aren't even funny. He doesn't judge my hair twirling habit or the fact that I'm 28 and still have a blanky. He doesn't pout when I show our dog more attention than him. He tolerates my shameful repertoire of television shows I sometimes make him watch with me. He cheers me up and calms me down when I need it. He helps me with cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping and doesn't judge me when I want to be lazy. Jason and I have grown and learned a lot this year. We have had WAY MORE ups than downs in our first year of marriage. If we go by the theory that the first year is the most difficult, then I'm pretty darn sure we have many great years ahead of us. LOVE conquers ALL! I'm looking forward to next weekend. Since Jason starts class back on our anniversary (it's a Monday), and I have to work... we are celebrating on Saturday. I have some super secret but awesome surprises for him. He's in for quite the treat! Can't wait! Cheers to happy endings! :)

LOVE

What an amazing year 2011 was for me. In the past year, I have: lived in California; went skiing and to Baja, Mexico, San Francisco, and Disneyland -all for the first time; got engaged and planned my dream wedding; moved across the country and into Jason's house (now our home, of course); started 2 new jobs; got married to the absolute love of my life; spent much time with wonderful friends whom I LOVE and who genuinely care about me and my happiness, and went to St. Lucia on an amazing honeymoon. These were just the highlights!!!!

The above events sound so insignificant mentioning them in a single blog, so I hope to go back and finally write about these experiences which I have neglected to document. Thank God, again, for pictures.

Let's start with filling you in on my jobs. Yes, I work two jobs -but they are both part time. I am at King's Daughter's Medical Center in the Outpatient Speech Therapy department 3 days/week and totally LOVE it. I LOVE the people I work with (I get to see my best friend all the time now) and the patients I see. I am getting a broader scope of my practice, getting to stick primarily with kids but seeing some adults as well. I'm getting a lot of experience with pediatric feeding disorders which I'm growing to like a lot. I've even toughened up and do videofleuroscopy swallowing exams 1 day/week (usually 2 per day). That's a huge deal for me. I've actually gotten a lot more comfortable doing them too, believe it or not. All of the SLPs at KDMC rotate in on working Saturdays over in inpatient/rehab, so I work over there every 7th Saturday. I thought I would hate that, but it's really not that bad.
Now for my second job, I work 2 days/week doing home visits for Kentucky First Steps Early Intervention program. This is the age that I love working with the most. I am getting quite a bit of experience and referrals and work with some wonderful people. My job can seem busy or stressful at times, but it is incredibly rewarding. I'm blessed to have found and chosen this career.



Moving on to married life.... Yes, I got married, as you already know because you were there! The wedding was perfect. I know every bride says that, but I truly mean it. The most important people in our lives (minus a few who couldn't make it) were there to share in that special day. We were able to redefine the meaning of LOVE that day -on the same day my mom and dad voweled to LOVE one another until death parted them. There were so many special moments in our wedding including our written vowels to one another:

My Vows to Jason:

Jason, today I give myself to you… my hand, my heart, and my soul… my love and my divine commitment, loving what I know of you and trusting what I do not know yet.
Promises:
I promise to inspire and encourage you, to respect and appreciate you, to LOVE you unconditionally and to show you that love each and every day, to be patient and fill the only distance to ever come between us with faith and with trust. I will be there for you through the good times and the bad, through the happy times and the sad, through the light and the dark, through the failure and the triumph. I promise to love and cherish you through whatever life may bring us. I eagerly anticipate the chance to grow old together, getting to know the man you will become, and falling in love a little more every day.
Wishes:
I wish for the life we have today for the rest of our lives, for your parents to know how important they are to this day because as my dad stood up here and gave me away to you, they are giving me the most precious gift in this world…. their son. I wish for us to wake up each and EVERY day and remember that our love is unique, it is real, it is present… and because of that, the rest of this day is simply just details.

Jason's Vows to me:

Melissa Rae Stillwell… Today I take you not only as my wife but also as my confidant, my best friend, and my other half, my BETTER half! Life is strange in the way that one moment you can be completely satisfied, content with the way you exist, and then something, someone can open your eyes in an instant to how much richer, fulfilling, exciting, and loving every second of the day can be! Missy, you have enriched my life in all those ways and so many more! What you have shown me with your endless compassion, your strength inside and out, your understanding, your openness, your creativity… I could go on, is something I will NEVER take for granted.

As your husband I pledge to cultivate every desire you may have. Your ambition, your drive, and your talents are too great of gifts not to use to their upmost.

As your husband I pledge to always have an open ear, to listen to whatever you have to say and when you don’t wish to speak, I promise to be attentive and do my best to pick up on the nonverbal things and emotions.

As your husband, Missy, I promise to respect you… Your fears, your emotions, and even your insecurities are things I will never exploit and in the same regard, your views, opinions, and wishes will always take priority and be in the forefront of my mind.

As your husband and more-so as your partner in life, I promise to always be open to new experiences. If careers, curiosity, opportunity or even misfortune have us starting anew this will never be an issue. You are what makes a house a home, and now importantly my family, so location, circumstance, and stature will never matter.

Most importantly though, Missy as your husband I pledge to LOVE you, not just for who you are but for what you make us. Your outer beauty can only be surpassed by your inner beauty and it is that which drew me to you since the night we met. I pledge to love you without reservation, and in times when this union is challenging it will be comforting to know that better times lay ahead. The joy of the thought of our future together, raising our children, and enjoying each other as we grow older is more than should be humanly possible. You have me from here till the end of time.

Other special moments include: Wesley Boggs singing his own version of "Marry Me," Jason's stepfather marrying us, the in-memory-of table for Jason's dad and my mom, the beautiful hand-made details that created such beauty that day, the good weather, the pre-recorded video played for our guests that made everyone laugh, our first dance to "It Feels Like Home" which I played and sang (I prerecorded it), my dance with my dad which created laughing and tears all at the same time, Jason's dance with his mom to "Simple Man" by Lynard Skynard where they jammed out on air guitar and drums, the best-man and maid-of-honor speeches which were classic, the amount of work everyone did to help us that week, the Verde Farm cottage we got to use for the weekend, and let's not forget the incredible rehearsal dinner that my in-laws prepared for us at the MU Hall of Fame Cafe. Then, to top it off, the wedding night ended in a dance party with the bride & groom doing keg-stands, LOL. Epic. Fun. Approximately 200 guests, and every single one of them being an important part of our lives. I've never seen my family having such a good time -EVER. It was definitely..... a night to remember.

Some exciting news: Our wedding will be featured in the 2012 WV Weddings magazine, out on shelves in February! We get a 2-page feature, telling our story with pictures from our photographer. We are so excited about this! Also, we were chosen to be one of 12 weddings featured on the website... we get the month of May. This will have more details of the wedding and our story will be featured for the entire month. I know everyone LOVES their wedding, so I think it's okay for me to say that I loved every detail and the way it turned out. Like I said... It was perfect!

Married life has been great thus far. We waited four months to go on our honeymoon, but it was totally worth the wait. I will tell about that in a moment. Jason and I have pretty much gotten into a routine, like any other average couple. We go to work, go to the gym, take turns cooking dinner (most of the time we like to cook together), and team up on household chores. We go to bed early on most week nights. Jason gets up at 5:30am, and I just like to sleep a lot, lol. We watch a lot of movies on nights we like to relax and simply enjoy each other's company. I LOVE our simple but exciting lifestyle. We are happy.



The honeymoon was beyond what we had expected. All-inclusive is definitely the way to go. Other than the fact that we lost our luggage and had to wait over a day to get our clothes and stuff, everything else turned out great. There are three Sandals resorts in St. Lucia, so we got to stay at one and play at all three. We stayed at Halcyon which is the most romantic and peacful of the three. La Toc was on a hill which we thought was pretty cool. There was a lot more going on there, which is why we liked it the most. The Grande is exactly that -GRANDE! It was nice but a bit too busy and large. It was luxurious and had the best beach. We spent a day there and rented a jet ski -FUN!!!! We ate at restaurants at all resorts. I ate a lot of seafood, and Jason had a lot of steak that week. We took full advantage of the "all-inclusive" meals and drinks, that's for sure. Jason had upgraded our room before we got there, so we had a fully stocked bar and refrigerator as well. YAY! :) We had a private candlelight dinner in a gazebo by the beach, which was one of the most memorable moments for me. I'm a hopeless romantic! It was a four-course meal with flower petals, champagne, and the company of my handsome, loving husband. We also did the Soufriere Jeep and Waterfall excursion. It was a jeep tour around the island which took us up to the Pitons which are volcanoes. The tour guide told us about the history and culture of the natives and island. We got to take a mud bath in the center of the volcano and then wash off under a big waterfall -another memorable moment. They took us to eat local food for lunch, and we even held a snake -YIKES!!!!!! The other excursion we did was a horseback ride to the beach where the horses took us into the ocean... this was my favorite! I waited all week for this, and it was an awesome way to top off our vacation. Our last dinner was at a Japanese Steakhouse called Kimono's at La Toc. We met some nice couples there, one of whom kept buying rounds of Saki shots for everyone. We hung out with them until we had to catch our shuttle back to Halcyon and pack to go home. We LOVED our honeymoon and will go back to St. Lucia again.

We made it back home just in time for the holidays. My family and Jason's parents all came over to our house for Christmas Eve. This was a nice change for us. My family doesn't really have a tradition and always just goes with the flow, so I was happy to have everyone come to our house this year. We cooked all day, ate dinner together, and then played Apples to Apples and Catch Phrase.... we had a total blast! We went to Jason's parents' house on Christmas day for dinner and ended up playing Catch Phrase with them too. It's always a good time! Jason and I had a New Year's Eve party at our house this year as well.... we believe it was a complete success. We had about 20 of our close friends there, and everyone seemed to have had a great time. I can honestly say that I LOVE our family and friends. I never truly appreciated the friendships I had here at home until I skipped town for a couple of years and never got to see them. They don't insult me, ever. They don't make fun of me for telling my soul mate that I love him. They surround me with positive entergy. They let me know I am appreciated. They ask me about my day and care about the answer. They talk to me. They listen to me. They encourage me and motivate me. They LOVE me and I LOVE them. I don't can't remember why I ever wanted to leave this place.

Life's Little Successes

I am truly blessed...

The question is.... What does this even mean to me? Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the moments, feelings, and the realization of feeling "truly blessed" that I don't even acknowledge the Source of those blessings. And, I find myself using my faith as a blanket (only a means of comfort) rather than a shield (a means of protection from sin and "bad" decisions) in my life. How does it really feel to be blessed? Is it that feeling of satisfaction or accomplishment? Is it that feeling of knowing I am "okay" when something is going wrong? Or is it that feeling when I look around at my life and realize I wouldn't want to change a thing in it? Honestly, I cannot begin to describe or list the blessings that have built me up into the person I am becoming, but I want to take the time and acknowledge God and all his angels I am surrounded by. I love my life.

Everything Happens for a Reason...

Here are some random thoughts on what I have learned about life, specifically throughout the past couple of years:
Sometimes people come into your world, and you know right away that they were meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose, to teach you a lesson or to help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but from the moment you lock eyes with them, you know that they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never realize your potential, strength, will power, or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet ultimately affect your life in some way. And you affect theirs. Everywhere you go, you leave a mark saying, "I was here." With every person you meet, you have left some impression -whether good or bad. Not all footprints are visible, but they are there. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create whom you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts or betrays you... forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. And, when you do trust again... you will have made the right choice. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things. They make you a better person than you were before their existence... creating a sense of self-worth and serenity that you never knew could exist. Stand up for what you believe in, but know that you can always sit back down. Make every day count. Appreciate everything that you possibly can, for you may never experience it again. Give what you can give, but always remember that it's okay to take every once in a while. Don't give, always expecting something in return. Figure out what is important to you, and prioritize your life accordingly. A cup of hope will take you far. An ounce of faith will take you even further. Do not settle for average (know that this term has a muddy definition in the measurement of LIFE). Find your passion & your inspiration.... then light a firecracker under your butt & soar. Don't get in your own way of your dreams. Set realistic goals for yourself. Learn to celebrate the little successes in life. Ask for help every once in a while. Talk to people whom you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love (It is, by far, the best thing to ever happen to me.). Tell those you love that you love them on a daily basis (if not more) because you honestly never know when you will miss that "last" opportunity. Nobody likes regrets. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual. Believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Strive to be your best simply because that is good enough. Only you determine what your best is. Live your life because nobody can do it better than you. :)

I love you, Mom.

I will never stop telling my angel mother that I love her. To me, it's never too late. Mother's day was tough for me this year... probably because I was alone. Then, seeing everyone's happy, "I have the best mother in the world," facebook status updates made me want to throw my computer across the room, LOL! I cannot believe it has been almost six years since my mom passed away. So much has happened in this time that I wish she could have been here to experience with me. Even more so -I wish she could be here these next few months to plan my wedding. She would be so happy for me to have finally found my prince. I have no doubts she would LOVE Jason. Then again, who doesn't?!? I wish she could be there to dress me up and give me away on that very special day. I appreciate the memories I have with my mom, but I just wish there were more to be made. What really scares me is that I am starting to forget little things. I had to stop and think for hours the other day what the last movie I watched with her was. I was so upset that I could not remember & sulked like a baby. I eventually remembered it was The Notebook -only because I pictured her sobbing beside of me while I laughed hysterically at her and knew it had to have been an uber-sad chic flick, lol. I just worry that I am starting to forget these details because that’s all I have left of my mom. Once those memories are gone, I have nothing. I miss her so much. I wish I could call her and tell her all about my day and how happy I am.



If only I could receive one of her annoying phone calls again at 6am wondering where her back scratcher or glue gun is…… LOL!

I am happy. I am learning about life. I am learning about what I want in life. I am excited to see what God has in store for Jason and I. Although, I know it will be something great. I can't wait to be HOME! :)

PATIENCE. PRAYER. POSITIVITY.

Some of the most incredible things in life are ones you have to wait for.... ones you dream about your whole life.... then they turn out to be way better than anything you could have ever dreamt up.... they are so much more.... and it was so worth the wait.

I've learned a lot about patience in the past couple of years (more specifically, months).

I've always considered myself to be a pretty patient person. My positive attitude in life (overall) helps with that because "waiting" for something when you expect a positive outcome is much easier than waiting for something you expect might go wrong... or even the UNKNOWN. Eeek, there's that word again! (Refer to my earliest posts). What people (I'll admit it, even myself at times) often forget is that waiting coincides with praying.

I'm learning to live by the 3 P's: PATIENCE. PRAYER. POSITIVITY.

The 3 P's are all contingent upon one another and require full investment of the mind and soul. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying I've mastered it. I have, however, taken my ability to put my entire self into something that I believe and trust in to a whole new level -allowing myself to reach a state of ease and happiness. I've learned not to sit back and do nothing while I wait for life to turn out picture perfect. By doing that, we miss out on so many opportunities (which leads to possible regret and the feeling of "what if")... Time is precious, so I choose to use mine wisely.

Trying to teach patience to a child is very difficult. It's quite funny because in the (teaching) process, we often become impatient ourselves -wondering why that child cannot grasp the concept of "WAIT" when we want him/her to. Well, this is because patience is not just something we learn in Kindergarten and carry over (like how to tie your shoe) for the rest of our lives. This lesson is one we continue to learn as we grow... with experiences... this is a lesson that we as adults are all still trying to master.

For me, the result of this is faith. So, what's the equation? It's rather simple (hah!):

PATIENCE + PRAYER + POSITIVITY = FAITH!

There are struggles, of course, but the end result is faith. I'm okay with that result. It has gotten me through the past several months and brought me to a point where I am ready for God to bring me closer to Jason... and for Jason to bring me closer to God. I need them both, and I need them close. I'm almost there.


A long-distance relationship is by no means easy. However, it is possible. It is true. It is beautiful. It has molded me into a woman that, on this day, I am very proud of. The man I am madly in love with lives approximately 2500 miles away... but there is no space at all between our hearts and our minds. The only thing that sits between his heart and mine is FAITH. If faith is the key to a long-distance relationship, then any fully invested couple can make it work. I am lucky to have a man who loves and adores me, everything about me, and allows me to be just that -ME! I am ME and in love!!!! Distance can honestly be a barrier for some couples, but for us it is a bridge. On both sides of this bridge are different roads, and even though we don't know which roads exactly we are taking -we do know that we will take turns crossing to the other side... and eventually we will meet right in the middle and walk together down one of those UNKNOWN paths. Hmmm, that word is not so scary now! :) We will walk by faith.

Faith has given me love. Faith has given me my dreams in reality (ON STEROIDS)! I've never felt more comfortable in my own skin. I'm happy. And it feels GOOD.

The Future-Mrs. Jason Rooper!!!!!!!

Seriously? It has really been almost 5 months since my last blog... first of all I apologize for what appears to be laziness. SO much has happened in these past 5 months that I am gonna have to give you guys a run-down and vow to be better at updating this thing more often!!! Lucky for me most of you have facebook and can keep up with what's going on through status updates & pictures I post! Ok, still unacceptable. What appears to be "laziness" is actually quite the opposite. I've been busy planning MY WEDDING!!!!! Ahhh, there, I said it! I am getting married!!!!!! *breathe* -okay, I will come back to that (trust me, I will come back to that often in this post) and back up to update you on other things first.....

I guess I left off with VEGAS: The Dave & Tim show exceeded my expectations... I even cried at one point (they were THAT good). It was just the 2 of them with their guitars, and I couldn't have enjoyed the show more. That was such a fun trip -just what I needed before getting to go HOME at Christmas time. The holidays were so incredible, and I got spoiled being home and spending 3 whole weeks with Jason. I love him more and more every day, and being with him only confirms that feeling (in my heart and my mind). Spending that time together with our friends and families was just the drive I needed to finish out these last few months on the West Coast. Jason and I thoroughly enjoyed our ski trip for New Year's, and I must say I did pretty damn good! Skiing is definitely something that we will be able to enjoy together... especially now that I got all that new ski gear! :) Saying goodbye and having to fly back to CA sucked some major butt! I cried like a baby and was sad to leave, but I got to come back home again a month and a half later for Valentine's weekend!





Speaking of Valentine's weekend: WE GOT ENGAGED!!!!!!!! Jason asked me to marry him, and, of course, I said, "YES!!!!!" :)

How did he do it? Well, I flew into the Huntington airport on Saturday morning (the day of Melissa and Dave's wedding reception) after an overnight flight. Keep in mind that I was wearing sweats, no makeup, had a bad cold, and little sleep. When I got off of the plane & started to walk up the flight pad to the terminal door, out comes Jason with a single red rose and a piece of paper in his hand. I was SO happy to see him that I didn't pay any mind to the fact that normally people picking you up are not allowed to be there (past security much less on the flight pad, haha)... so I hugged & kissed him, ALL SMILES!!! He handed me the rose (I thought for Valentine's Day) and the letter and told me to read it. Contents of the letter:

"I’ve brought you one rose because it represents my one whole heart. For too long pieces of it were missing, pieces I didn’t even realize weren’t there. Since you came into my life on June twenty fifth my life and my heart have become fuller by the moment. You have filled my heart with so much joy and love I feel as if it could burst from my chest at any moment. No one else who has ever lived, or ever will, could experience the feelings I feel for you. As you’re the source of this love will you have my heart?..."

When I told him, "Of course, I already have your heart." He proceeded by saying, "I want you to have it forever." as he got down on one knee, pulled the ring out with the rose and asked me, "Melissa Rae Stillwell, will you marry me?" with a HUGE smile!!!!! I didn't realize at the time, but the security guard (who let Jason outside after he told him he was going to propose to his girlfriend) was taking pictures while all of this was going on! I'm so thankful that he was able to capture this amazing moment. When we walked into the airport, a large crowd of people stood up and cheered -congratulating us! They were waiting for the next flight. That was just the icing on the cake. Ahh, it was absolutely perfect in every way. I couldn't have asked for anything more special, meaningful, or genuinely perfect for us. He is my prince charming, and I love him. I cannot wait to become THE Mrs. Jason Rooper! That whole day (weekend) was great. We drove up to Dayton to the reception and celebrated LOVE that day. Not only our love but the love of another happy couple who have also had to do the long-distance thing. Valentine's Day was great too. Jason surprised me and took the day off of work so that we could spend the entire day together. AWESOME!!!!! He had made us a reservation at Savannah's Restaurant in Huntington (I had never been), so we got all dressed up & had the most romantic dinner. Again, very special. <3 I was sad to leave, again, but this time I actually left him feeling like we just started our FOREVER. I was more focused on that positive and had no room for the negative. We will SOON be together. I love the sounds of that!





I'm happy to announce that we have set a very special wedding date which will take place August 27, 2011 -in about 4 months!!!! This was the same day my parents got married almost 29 years ago. And now that day will not go another year without celebration which makes me happy beyond words. I feel honored. That day happens to fall on a Saturday this year, so Jason and I couldn't think of a better time to unite as one. He knows how much this means to me, and I am blessed to have his love and understanding. Gosh, I can't stop smiling. :)

Before I jump into any more wedding stuff (although I won't spill all of the details on here -as much as I want to, haha), I will update you on some other stuff. I got to take a trip to San Francisco and finally see the Golden Gate Bridge... another item checked off of my bucket list! Okay so maybe I'll talk "wedding" along the way, haha, because I can't help it! I actually went to SF to go shopping and found my wedding dress! I am absolutely in love with my wedding gown and can't wait to wear it! I also took a trip to Long Beach and went to Disneyland in L.A. for Layla's birthday weekend -another item checked off of bucket list! I've done quite a bit of wine tasting and spread my mom's ashes in the vineyards on her birthday. It was a beautiful day. I've been collecting wine from many of the wineries out here in Wine Country! I have 51 bottles of wine for the wedding so far! :P





I am interviewing for a job at KDMC in a few days. I was really banking on that job because it is in Ashland where I will be living, and it is primarily with peds... which we all know is what I do. It is not as promising now because they took the position down to only part-time, and I need a full-time job. However, I am still hoping and trying to make it work. I have been playing email-tag with a lady from WV Birth-to-Three, and she is supposed to call me this week to talk about job possibilities. They supposedly have a need, and that is EXACTLY the job I want to be doing. I am really hoping that I could work part-time at KDMC to get full benefits and part-time through BTT. Gosh, talk about an ideal job for me. I think that might be as close as I could get to satisfactory. Hoping & praying & crossing every part of my body. Please do the same for me.

It is officially Spring Break, and I've gone 2 months without seeing my friends, family, & FIANCE' in person. Skype is wonderful (except when it decides to be poop & get all messy), but there's nothing like being home. I'm on my way there right now! Only a couple more hours in the L.A. airport before my 6 hour flight to Charlotte, then to Charleston, West By God Virginia! :) YAY!!! It's gonna be a full week of wedding planning, cuddling, and simply enjoying time with my honey. We are going to register for gifts, pick out Jason's wedding band (I already have mine -it's gorgeous!), get our engagement pictures taken, pick up invitations which are ready, pick out my veil & jewelry, meet with the florist, view the ceremony & reception sites (haven't seen them yet), and look for some decorations. You'd be surprised (NOT) to know that I pretty much have most of the wedding already planned! HAH! What can I say, I'm a planner! LOL We have everything booked, and I've even got a lot of the little details done. I've been ordering a lot of stuff online & having it shipped directly to our house in Ashland. I even have a carry-on suitcase solely filled with wedding items, HAHAHAHA!!!!!! My checked bag weighed 49.0 lbs (had to be less than 50, lol)! :)



Let me say, though, that I have the most amazing friends and family who are helping me so much. I am incredibly blessed to have these people in my life who are so willing to lend a hand or even a thought... I couldn't do this without them.

Have I said how much I love my life? I do. I always believed that the "unknown" would leave room for possibilities.... but who knew this much happiness was possible? Really. Possibilities are Good. Happiness is Good. Love is Good. Life is good.